Historical dating customs

Being retro is back in, now lets shag like it. For too long our dating tastes have travelled down a path of pure misery and banal dinners. Let us take a lesson from our hereditary cousins in order to find a better, fairer, more exciting way to date.

Bundling:

Keeping it local , the Dutch created an intimate way to chat. Dating back to the 17th century, two partners would lie in bed together often with a sack or board between them. They would then have a fruitful chat in order to find out if their partner was the one

Victorian Dance Cards:

In jazzy circles in the 19th century, dancing cards were all the rage when our descendants headed out on a bender. Women would wear cards and attach them to their waist, during the dance their potential male suitors would come along and write their name if copulation was on their minds. At the end of the night when all the bangers had been played and the stereo was steaming, the female company would hand their card to the man that took their fancy, an indication that she wished him to knock on her door the next day and take her out to tea.

Ancient Greek and Egyptian Penis Injections:

If we look for wisdom we go to the Greeks; then we must we also look to them for injecting Stingray Bile into a man’s penis. In order to bring about good fortune and sexual favour, a man’s penis would be subjected to treatment that many weakling men today would cringe at. So please please forget drinking to bring about love this Valentine’s day, just get a syringe, a good friend, and a very angry Stingray (sounds like a memorable date if you ask me).

Picking the right bird:

This advice is for the superstitious woman out there, watch out for birds this Valentine’s day. The Greek and Romans believed that the first bird a woman sees on Valentine’s day will indicate what type of man she will marry. Here are some examples:

please heed the advice given here, Complex is not a good place to meet your future spouse. Go in the ocean and get that Ambergris, make that paste and rub it all over yourself, and from SBE to FASOS, every woman will go wild for Whale derived digestive fluids. Pizza and rhythm fucking along to Shaggy is what we call dating nowadays; buck the trend and be original and historical.

Words by Bill P-B

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